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Sexual fantasies: how common and normal are they?
Listen instead of reading · 35 minDirty Mind: Dirty Talk Hypnosis – Find Your Own WordsNo script, no borrowed lines: a trance that lets your own words out – in a lower, slower voice. In short
Almost all adults have sexual fantasies – they are as normal as daydreams. A large review found no sign that fantasies indicate dissatisfaction; people who fantasised more tended to report fewer sexual problems. Fantasies are not plans: what you imagine is not something you have to want to do.
Key facts
- Almost all adults report sexual fantasies (Leitenberg & Henning, 1995).
- Fantasies are not a sign of dissatisfaction in a relationship.
- Many people feel guilty about their fantasies – even though they are very common.
- The evidence rests mainly on surveys; it shows associations, not causes.
As common as daydreams
In 1995 the psychologists Harold Leitenberg and Kris Henning reviewed the research on sexual fantasies. Their finding: almost all adults know them, men and women alike. Fantasies come up during sex with others, alone or simply in everyday life.
Not a sign of lack
A common belief is that people who fantasise are dissatisfied. The review found the opposite: more fantasy tended to go along with fewer sexual problems. At the same time, many people feel guilty about their fantasies – even though they are so normal.
Fantasy in trance
In a trance your imagination can move freely, protected and without judgement. Sexnosis only provides a frame for it – a mood, sensations – and no explicit scenes. What becomes of it stays with you.
Questions
Are my fantasies normal?
Very likely, yes. Fantasies are widespread and varied. What matters is not what you imagine but what you do in real life – and there, consent and respect count.
Does a fantasy mean I really want it?
No. Many fantasies stay in the mind on purpose, precisely because they are safe there. A fantasy is an image, not a plan.
What if a fantasy troubles me?
Then talk to a sex therapist – confidentially and without judgement. That applies especially if you feel driven by fantasies or they could put others at risk.
Terms on this page
- Trance logic Trance logic means that people in hypnosis calmly accept contradictions that would bother them immediately when awake – similar to a dream.
- Suggestion A suggestion is a sentence that invites you to experience something as if it were happening on its own – for example "your arm is getting lighter" – rather than doing it on purpose.
- Dissociation (in hypnosis research) In hypnosis research, dissociation means: something happens, but it does not feel as if you are doing it – like an arm that seems to rise by itself.
Studies on this page
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